My mom has been my best friend for 43 years. She’s been my rock every time things were hard. And my biggest cheerleader always. She’s the first one I call when I’m excited. And the first one I call when I’m sad or angry.
Our friendship has generally always been incredibly strong – we’ve had our ups and downs, but I’ve never felt closer to anyone else in my life. She knows me better than anyone else, and I think I know her best too.
As a child, I often acted more the parent – when shopping, 7-year-old me would be scolding my mom, saying “you break it, you buy it.” I often wonder if that was her sneaky way of teaching me right from wrong. And she teased me relentlessly – which is likely the foundation for my own relationship with Skipper. I hated Brussels sprouts as a child, and as we walked through the grocery store, she would say “…and I’ll make Brussels sprout bread and Brussels sprout cookies and Brussels sprout ice cream and….” I pretended it grossed me out (which to be fair it kind of did, I mean come on. Brussels sprout ice cream??). But I secretly loved the interaction. It was hilarious in all its disgustingness.
I grew up on airport ramps. My mom was a station manager of a ground-handling crew. She was a Loadmaster and taught me to load-balance an A300 using a manual Christmas-tree method before I was 14. She was the queen of the main deck loader, and could run circles around anyone on a forklift. She was strong – like unbelievably strong. Think about it – a tiny Chinese woman (5’2” was being generous) – that could throw mail alongside the best of them. She could out-throw even the biggest of guys, but she fit in the bellies like none of them would dream of. She was a force to be reckoned with – still is.
As a teenager, I had to “put my foot down” and tell her that she was not, under any circumstances, to buy a motorcycle (I know this probably sounds like hypocrisy, but stay with me a minute). I was already getting in fights at school with the boys that thought she was hot and wanted to make a pass at her. There was NO WAY I was going to be forced to deal with the aftermath of her showing up to pick me up from school on a motorcycle.
We lost my brother in my early 20s, the year he would’ve turned 25. I don’t mention him much because it’s a really difficult topic for me, though he technically died of natural causes. But it’s important to mention here, because my mom has suffered the one thing no parent should ever have to go through – losing a child. It almost killed her. Literally. About 2 months after he passed, she went into the hospital with a brain aneurysm. Luckily, it was a slow leak instead of a sudden burst, and they caught it early enough for surgery to have a high likelihood of success. The first surgery didn’t work – they had tried microscopic to have the least invasive effects, but they just couldn’t get to the aneurysm site via those methods. So they had to actually cut her skull open and perform true brain surgery. It was terrifying. When the nurses came into her hospital room to shave her head, that’s when she decided this was the hill worth dying on (pun absolutely intended). She was absolutely NOT going to allow anyone to shave her head. But, knowing how much my mother always loved MY hair, I knew what I had to do. “Mom, a head is getting shaved today. You choose – yours or mine.” So she relented and the surgery ensued. She’s still with us today, so I’d say that was a success.
I know that no matter what life has thrown at me, my mom has been there. And she always will be. If you’ve ever seen The Gilmore Girls, you’ll know exactly what kind of relationship we had – it was almost exactly like Lorelai and Rory. As a matter of fact, I felt so strongly about that I got us matching bracelets that say “You’re the Rory to my Lorelai” and “You’re the Lorelai to my Rory.” We got matching tattoos back in 2016 – hers says “I am but a shell…” and mine says “…I come from the sea.”
Back in 2013, mom and Podunk finally got married. It only took them 12 years lol. But it almost didn’t happen. They planned a whole crazy shindig – a dream wedding at the first resort they vacationed to. Jamaica. I couldn’t go, but Podunk’s mom and brother, my godmother, and mom and Podunk’s bestie – they were all there. I was prepared to hug my mom and congratulate her upon their return, and had planned a small reception for those who couldn’t go to a destination wedding. Then my phone rang – it was mom. From Jamaica. Uh oh. “I totally screwed up. I forgot proof of our divorces.” Okay – time to go into damage control mode. I called my dad – he had the paperwork from when he and mom had divorced and could fax it to the resort. But Podunk got divorced in Indiana and I didn’t even know his ex-wife’s name. I called everyone I could think of, and finally got through to the county recorder. Great news! They were able to find the document we needed. “Where should we mail it?” Uhhhhh mail??? There is NO way that was going to be fast enough. I had called in all my favors. Cashed in all my chips. There were no other options. So I called mom, totally defeated. They weren’t going to be able to get married in Jamaica. But even if I lost the battle, I was NOT going to lose the war. So I pivoted, as I often do (thank you ADHD for giving me calm in crisis). Her reception in a few weeks? Now, that was going to be a wedding. I had 3 weeks to change it ALL.
My uncle was already ordained, so that was handled. My aunt was amazing at making cakes. My other aunt – a savant at all types of decorations. I was now a full-fledged wedding planner. I didn’t see the hall until the morning of the wedding. But I decided that since she couldn’t have a wedding in Jamaica, I’d just have to bring Jamaica to her wedding. So she got island colors – turquoise and lime green (which she hates but “mom, trust me” so she did). And Hawaiian BBQ catered. And the decorations all included sea shells, fishing nets, coral, anything we could think of that reminded us of the beach or the tropics. My aunt made two cakes – one that was beach-themed, and one that was airport-themed. I made ratatouille for the first time, using Disney’s recipe, because she loved that movie (it was terrible, but hey, I tried lol). I stuffed 300 strawberries – half with cheesecake and half with chocolate mousse. They had a sand ceremony. And my mom was absolutely beautiful in her island-themed dress and Podunk in his matching shirt and khaki shorts. The whole thing went (mostly) as planned. I told her I’d never do it again, so she better make this one work.
Last year, my stepdad died in January. He collapsed in their home in Texas. My mom called me while the paramedics were trying to bring him back, understandably hysterical. My heart broke so much in that moment. This woman who had overcome all odds – losing a child, surviving brain surgery, and so many other things – was now losing the love of her life. It was so unfair. I flew out on the very first flight I could get, and landed that same evening. Luckily our family friend (and Podunk’s coworker) came to the house as soon as mom called him – and stayed with her all day until he picked my up from the airport so she wouldn’t have to drive. Andres, thank you for everything you have done for us. You are a shining star (the only name that doesn’t need a pseudonym – you deserve ALL the credit here). My mom’s 3 closest friends all came out to be with mom that same day also.
I flew back and forth between Washington and Texas more times than I care to count between January and May 2025. I didn’t want mom to be alone anymore than was necessary – but especially not for the online memorial (I planned/hosted that so mom wouldn’t have to), or their anniversary. We found her a new home in Washington – only about 2 hours from me (I would’ve like closer, but money being money, that wasn’t an option). We closed on the new house April 30th and I flew to Texas for the last time on May 18th. I was there with her for the first anniversary without him, then we drove her car 2200 miles over 4 days and 7 states to get her to Washington. With 2 screaming cats. Paprika and The Beast were NOT happy. We both got pulled over the first day of the drive. I got lucky and drove away with just a warning to stay out of the left lane except when passing, but mom got a speeding ticket (I think that was only the second one in her whole life!). So, not wanting her to have any more issues, I drove the remaining 2000 miles. We’ve been besties my whole life, but never went on a road trip together, so we were both excited and sad at the same time. We did our best to enjoy ourselves and laugh as much as possible.
Now, I get to see my mom far more frequently. I try to drive out to see her at least twice a month. We even meet in the middle for lunch once in a while, and now she gets to be here for Skipper’s soccer games. It sucks that we lost Podunk, but I’m so happy to have her close by again.
Mom, you are the reason I am who I am. Everything that I am is because of you. I love you to the ends of the universe and beyond, and I promise you I’ll be here for everything. Even if you need me to plan another wedding.
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