“You know it’s a communist state, right?”
That was the first indication that Harry was NOT as on board as we thought.
He was worried about moving to a communist state with government surveillance. I pointed out that Vietnam is communist on paper, but capitalist in practice. And we have just as much surveillance here, we just don’t notice it because it doesn’t seem the same when you don’t know who’s behind it all. At least in Vietnam, you know what you’re getting. We’ve got ring doorbells, NSA, social media, ICE, Flock. But we aren’t a communist country, so we don’t think of that as big brother, even if it is.
A couple years ago, Harry mentioned that we should all just “refuse to participate in American economy.” Refuse to “play the game.” Because he doesn’t want to be a slave to a job just to participate in society. At the time, we weren’t ready to hear it. And asked him how he planned to do this. He mentioned being a hermit in the woods. But even that takes some starter money. So you kind of have to participate for a while at least.
But now, we’re where he was two years ago. And he’s where we were then. Ken asked him “what changed?” Turns out it’s just a really big decision, a really big change – and seems very sudden. And it is. He isn’t wrong. But this is technically what he wanted…
Turns out it was fun to think about, and to dream about. But in application? Very scary.
Ken’s response to him was beautifully spoken: “The difference between people who never leave or do the things they want in life and those who do is the people who die within a few miles of where they grew up let fear guide their decisions. They conflate fear for intuition.”
Harry is worried about a lot of things, and all of them are totally valid. He wants to experience his early twenties with his friends – don’t we all? He loves the PNW and can’t imagine living anywhere else – me too, believe it or not. He feels a moral responsibility to stay and fight for the change he wants to see here. So do I, but I’ve learned that expectation and reality are two very different things. I can’t fight alone, and neither can he. He’s worried about the potential for negative impact on the local population – and I am too. We’re trying to be very strategic about all of this – helping the Vietnamese economy in a positive way without being too big a part of the negative effects on the local people. It’s a fine line – pay enough for things to have positive effects, but not so much that you price the locals out of their home.
The hard part is that I totally see his perspective, and agree with most of it. But I also can’t stay. And I know that Vietnam is what’s best for our family – the whole family – even if Harry doesn’t agree yet. And if he never comes around, how do I choose between my kids? It will feel like leaving half my heart on another continent. How do I choose giving my daughter a better life over being close to my son? Or vice versa?
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